The analogy between the 2009 blockbuster Bollywood movie '3 Idiots' and my life since October 2019 may not be an appropriate one. But then I thought of drawing few parallels between 3 crazy, passionate, rebellious engineering students in the movie and 3 weird men I encountered in the last five months.
I have found traditional matrimony in India to be one of the most stupid and illogical ways of getting two individuals hooked up.
IDIOTIC, that's one word which aptly summarises all inane activities such as matching of kundlis, comparing pay packages, wanting a working girl but refusing to acknowledge efforts of a woman working as a journalist with erratic timings, not to forget Indians' typical fetish for fair & beautiful.
No matter how much aware, financially independent and assertive a woman is, I too, like many others had to bow down to usual pressure by family and those in our social circle. Mating is a personal choice and should be left to an individual to take a call BUT we THE INDIAN SOCIETY don't care...
Sometime around Diwali, in October 2019, I had sent a request to A on one of those matrimonial websites for which I had subscribed to a 3-month package of around Rs 1500.
A accepted my request, which meant he was interested. Being a paid subscriber meant I could access the contact details of A and take it a step further. My father called on the no. provided and had a word with A one fine day as I sat next to Papa hearing the conversations that followed.
He seemed to be nice, polite and courteous. To every sentence uttered by my father he would reply with a 'Ji'. He was a follower of the digital portal where I worked. 'Wow, he seems to be the enlightened one', I thought to myself.
Kundlis matched, one round of discussion took place and we moved on to the next step that of 'ladka-ladki aapas me baat kar le'.
It was at this stage when he suggested that my father have had a word with his elder sister who was the point person in this case, his mother was too old and hard of hearing.
The Didi was not among those who could be pleased easily, my father anyway gave her my contact no. in order to pass it on to the prospective groom.
Elated at the idea of things progressing finally, I tracked down the guy on social media. To my relief, a quick scan of his FB timeline assured that he wasn't a Bhakt. Few articles from The Wire shared on his timeline along with his own comments on abrogation of Article 370 confirmed he wasn't a BJP fan either. Ah! I heaved a sigh of relief. 'We would be a good match', I told myself.
Just like Christine Barnanski's character Diane Lockhart asks her beau Kurt McVeigh in the Amazon Prime series, 'The Good Fight', -- 'Did you vote for Trump?'
Being a Modi fan and Modi hater was crucial for me in order to say 'I do'.
Alas, the conversation finally hit a roadblock with the Didi telling my father, 'Ab A profile samajh le (let A understand (your daughter's) job profile)'.
10 November 2019, a Sunday was when we were supposed to meet, it was his birthday as well. But I never heard from him.
Nursed a broken heart for few weeks before bumping into the next 'idiot'.
December is that time of the year when my father has a fairly long holiday at workplace.
And so we decided to boost our efforts of finding a dulha.
At Rs 9000 a national daily agreed to carry matrimonial ad for four weeks on weekends.
Just like Gandalf says in 'The Lord of Rings' movie -- 'So it begins....'
Enter Mr B who hailed from Bihar. His father contacted mine after seeing the ad on newspapers.
Kundlis matched, he was earning less than me and seemed to be slightly obese, at least, in the photos.
I agreed to meet him. 'Equality begins at home', a friend suggested on the issue of disparity in pay package.
B was really sweet and courteous in our initial few exchanges via SMS and WA messages.
And on a Sunday sometime in January 2020, B came all the way from Gurgaon to meet me!
He was fat, so much so that it affected his gait as well. A half-hour long conversation at the nearest CCD went off well. We talked about usual stuff, family, career trajectory, etc.
It's difficult, next to impossible, to judge someone on the basis of one sole meeting. As I got up to leave, he asked 'What's your assessment of this?' 'Should perhaps meet again', I replied and smiled.
'You deserve better', a close family member thundered few days later. Something was indeed off about B's appearance a fact that I realised later.
I went into flashback mode and rewinded our conversation. At 37, his brother would drop him and pick him up from office, he didn't know how to drive, his younger brother had even escorted him upto the first floor at CCD where I was waiting for him. 'Was B hiding something?', it was this question that made it difficult to say 'haan' to the rishta.
Mind has its own way of conjecturing to give you pleasure, hope and joy. Even as confusion prevailed internally, my heart, had willfully decided that I will wear the red silk saree next time when I meet B in Gurgaon.
That, of course, ladies & gentlemen, wasn't meant to be.
A polite refusal to B's father closed that chapter forever.
Disillusionment with matrimonial websites led me to try dating apps. Office folks sweared by it and said that it did really work.
A month later, I 'matched' on Hinge with Mr Lawyer.
We started talking in January 2020, conversations were funny, interesting and most importantly there was a flow in our daily talks which seemed to strengthen my belief 'He's the one'.
Which makes me wonder -- does this blog already sounds like a sequel to the sitcom 'How I met your mother?'...an Indian version of 'How I met your father?'...
Guess what, I got stood out on the date when we were supposed to meet. Not sure why he got cold feet. Tried reaching out to him on WA as well only to realise the next day that I have been blocked!
I often wonder what explains the dichotomy between one being at his politest best and in another second being this ruthless individual who is impossible to reach out to.
And so 5-months-and-3-men later I'm still single, wondering at strange twist in fate. Is it really 'kismat ka khel'?
Three months of sorrow and heart-break as the tarot card of a heart pierced with three swords will have you believe. Okay then, no problem, I told myself before getting along with life as usual.
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